My Last 5 Diary Entries

It will be my first time...... - 2005-03-28

"Fun Times on McClellan Street" - 2005-02-23

"Dress Rehearsal" - 2005-02-05

DON'T DO IT!! - 2005-02-02

Here We Go! - 2004-12-31

Sweet Peeps

I'm Movin' On

�I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I�ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I�m at peace with myself

I�ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I�m movin� on� ----Rascal Flatts

This is the theme I have recently adopted for my life. It has come to pass ladies and gentlemen that yours truly has decided on a new plan designed to make up for lost time. Not only have I decided on a new plan but I have actually put it into motion.

�I�ve lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they�re always the same

They mean me no harm but it�s time that I face it

They�ll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don�t belong

I�m movin� on�

I think we all find as we get a little older it is true that we become a little wiser. Well maybe not wiser, but more observant. It is surprising how clearly we see things when we truly open our eyes. I have come to the realization that I have been stuck for so long mainly because it is comfortable for those around me. Does that make sense? Believe it or not, I am a very giving person. Because of this I try to make the people I love happy at my own expense. And you know what? They will let you continue to do it even though they may know it is keeping you from your own true happiness. I used to think self-sacrifice was a noble thing, but now I realize that in the end you will not be happy and anyone who truly cares about you will not be happy.

Maybe, just maybe there is no shame in wanting things for myself and going after them. I don�t think it is too much for me to want the same things most people want. I want to have a comfortable life. It doesn�t even have to be all that luxurious. Just comfortable. I also want a husband to protect and take care of me. Every woman wants this and any who say they don�t are just plain old liars. I want to be with someone who after ten years still makes my heart skip a beat and my breath come short when they walk into a room unexpectedly. I want to be able to have babies and the means to be home with them. Don�t you think I deserve these things?

�I�m movin� on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there�s no guarantees, but I�m not alone

There comes a time in everyone�s life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days are gone�

None of us knows exactly where life will lead us. But I do know one thing. I know for a fact that I was meant for something more than what I have and am. I deserve to finally focus on me and to have the freedom to find out exactly what that is. Some people may be hurt by all of this. I am to an extent sorry about that, but I have learned the long hard way that I am not responsible for everyone else.

God knows this will not be easy and I sometimes cry just thinking about it. However, the best part is I truly know deep in my heart that I will make my life better, no not better, great. This comfort comes in the form of some good family members and some terrifically fantastic friends both old and new. (You know who you are.) It is from these people that I draw strength and I thank God for them.

I�m movin� on ������