My Last 5 Diary Entries

It will be my first time...... - 2005-03-28

"Fun Times on McClellan Street" - 2005-02-23

"Dress Rehearsal" - 2005-02-05

DON'T DO IT!! - 2005-02-02

Here We Go! - 2004-12-31

Sweet Peeps

DON'T DO IT!!

It is time for a little advice from your old pal, Wendy. I know that with all of today�s fancy schmancy technology it is sometimes tempting to do things that more deprived individuals such as our grandparents would have never thunk of. While these things may be fun and seem like a �good� idea initially, they usually tend to turn around and bite us right in the ass. So I shall attempt on this day to offer a bit of guidance in the hope that you, my beloved peeps of cyber-space, will not be sucked in to doing something that you will ultimately regret.

If you ever fall in such deep and undying love that you one day think of making a home porn movie----DON�T DO IT! Sure, you will both promise and swear that it will be for your eyes only, but as soon as each back is turned you gotta know, copies will be made. Now, the copies will be seemingly harmless as they are hidden away in the closet or in the secret compartment of the deluxe Craftsman tool box in the garage. Until. Until somebody gets mad, and somebody ALWAYS does. Then yo shit will be on the internet and billboards for the whole world (which, by the way includes your mother) to see. More copies will be made and SOLD! Hell, you may be on the six o�clock news. You don�t know.

If you find yourself hating your job to the extent that you just don�t care anymore and feel the need to share such feelings with your co-workers via e-mail---DON�T DO IT! I shall site two reasons as to why this is a less than good idea. Number one, while most of your co-workers are outwardly nice to you and seem to care about you, they are very rarely your friends. And when you piss them off or they are in the market for a few ass kissing points with ye olde boss man, they will rat you out in a heart beat. Additionally, there is no such thing, (do your hear me?) no such thing as �DELETE.� You hitting delete on your computer is really hitting �send� to the great and powerful e-mail vault that stores it FOREVER!!

If you are, well, less than smart, lacking in the barest essentials of communication via the English language, if you will, and you find it necessary to leave a voice mail rather than calling back and actually talking to someone---DON�T DO IT! Why, you ask? Because when people say things like �Uh, yeah, dis me. Yo, see I just was callin� to be sayin� that I ain�t be able to come in there today due to da fact that my sister car been broke down,� into a recording device, it will, I repeat, WILL, be forwarded to everybody up to and including Jesus Christ himself. It will serve as entertainment for office dwellers everywhere and is also subject to exposure on the internet. Oh eff it! On second thought, if you are one of these people, keep �em coming. I need a good laugh.

So there it is. My gift to you all on a Wednesday morning. Keep in mind that these are not the only things you should refrain from, just the ones I had time to write about.

Meanwhile, as you know�..I have moved on!