2004-07-10 - 11:51 p.m.
"Will that be smoking, or non?"
“Will that be smoking, or non?” Much to my irritation, I get asked this mundane question more and more every day. Why does it irritate me so much? Because the jerkweeds asking really don’t give a rats ass what my answer is. Let’s paint a little scenario shall we? You and a companion walk into a nice restaurant (and by nice I mean someplace better than the Sizzler but not quite Tavern on the Green). A seemingly nice young hostess flashes her pearly whites and says, “Good evening. Two for dinner?” (Yeah two. One, two. Unless of course you count the 4 imaginary friends hiding in my ass.) “Will that be smoking, or non?” You say “Non” and your friend says “Smoking.” Because neither of you wants to be an ass, you both say it doesn’t matter. “It’s okay,” says the girl. “I have the perfect table for you two. Follow me.” Since the shortest distance between two points is the path that has five turns and two set of steps, Miss Ultra Bright walks you through the bar to a quaint little table for two. So you start to sit down and she says “Oh no, wait. That seat is for your friend. You should sit on the other side of the table.” “What’s the difference,” you ask. “Oh, that side of the table is smoking and this side is non.” Thanks for making the goddam distinction! I can only hope and pray (wait can I say “pray” in the same entry with “goddam?”) that the management has found a way to train the smoke not to cross the equator, which is the freakin candle holder in the middle of the table. That is a smart sum bitch right there! I think all restaurants should be completely smoke free. Smoking is a choice (a stupid choice). Breathing is not. Thank you. P.S. Still sorry about the fouled up last 5 entries. I don’t know what the dam problem is and I don’t possess enough anger management skills to deal with it at this time. I have convinced myself that in time, it will work itself out.
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Steppin' Back - Movin' On
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