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My Last 5 Diary Entries

It will be my first time...... - 2005-03-28

"Fun Times on McClellan Street" - 2005-02-23

"Dress Rehearsal" - 2005-02-05

DON'T DO IT!! - 2005-02-02

Here We Go! - 2004-12-31


Sweet Peeps

(In No Particular Order)

Saamba-Two "Cool Cats"
Jackie's Diary - Livinlovin: You gotta read the "Frontman" series.
HRT's Diary - Chaostraffic: My favorite Uncle.
Plop Phizz: Thanks for always stopping by.
MAF: Straight up, the coolest!
Incredipete: He's Back on the Air--YAY!


Designed by: Incredipete

2004-07-19 - 8:22 p.m.

"To Market to Market to Buy a Few Fleas?"

"To Market to Market to Buy a Few Fleas?"

How old were you before you realized a flea market was not a place that sold actual dog fleas? Me. I was about five. It was during this time in my early years that my family�s income was supplemented at the local flea markets.

Flea markets were different back then though. People sold stuff that you actually needed and could use. Not today. No siree Bob. You go to a flea market today and you see shit you would be embarrassed to put out at the curb on community clean up day.

How does anyone figure they can sell a refrigerator with the door dangling by one hinge, eggs from three Easters ago still in it, and four of the five wire racks missing? This is not a sellable item folks. All used kitchen appliances are required to be disinfected and have all the original parts from the factory. It is the goddamn law!

Another non-sellable item: used underwear. Listen up. The only people who would be skanky enough to buy let alone wear your shit-stained Fruit of the Looms are the same ones who say eff it and forgo draws altogether. Do what everybody else does. Rip those puppies up and use them for car washing rags.

Now a tip or two for the consumer. Number one, never and I repeat never buy any kind of animal at the flea market. I guarantee you the critter will be lucky to make it home. And if it does make it home, be prepared to make the vet rich as any dog or cat you buy will have worms coming out of its ass the size of eels and brace yourself for your house to be quarantined until the officials rid it of all exotic diseases such as the monkey flu or other weird shit that will kill you.

Number two, food should not be purchased here. Remember, there are no FDA regulations at these places. Eat something purchased at the flea market and you just may end up with the same problem as the dog and cats. Consider yourself warned!

And number three. Beware of anyone whose only English is the following: �Tenty Fi Dolla. But fo youuu? You nice lady. Fo youuuu, special price only fi dollar fo youuuu.� These people should be avoided. Why you ask? Because when the cops pull you over and arrest you for the $800.00 worth of stereo equipment that you just paid fifty bucks for, they are not going to believe that you had no idea it was stolen! You will be going to the clink while Achmed and Trong Yin dip out the back only to be found next weekend at their Tommy Hilfiger/Gucci booth.

While we are at it let�s review flea market etiquette.

1) You are not allowed to price anything higher than what it can be bought for new at the Wal-Mart.

2) Never pay the price marked on an item. This should just be a ball park figure and is not what the seller truly wants for it. The name of the game is to jib the price down. I don�t care if they have ten cents on a wire coat hanger. You ask if they�ll take five cents. It would be rude not to.

3) Don�t get pissy when someone offers a lower price. They are just trying to be polite.

4) When you can�t get that Dale Earnhardt car for ten bucks instead of fifteen, wait about thirty minutes and then send your kid back to make the same offer. It works every time.

I still go to flea markets. For the most part they are fun and a lot of the old stuff is neat. Also, I am just waiting for the day that I pay fifty cents for a plate that will be revealed as a one of a fucking kind worth one million dollars on the Antiques Road Show. Yeah, that will be too sweet!

Thank ya�ll for coming out. God bless you and goodnight.

9 Whatcha think?

Steppin' Back - Movin' On



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