2004-07-24 - 11:11 a.m.
�Set it and Forget it�
�Set it and Forget it� How is that out of the like eighty cable channels I have there were exactly (and I counted them) twenty-six infomercials on this morning? I�m no math genius (I just appear to be) but that is roughly 1/3 of the channels. So, basically I am paying $45.00 a month for a shit load of advertisements and an occasional movie. Something is very very wrong with this. picture. While occasionally I do get sucked in and can�t help but watch these one hour ads, for the most part I fucking hate, no loathe them. For real, if you have to spend a full sixty minutes convincing me how great a product is. Well, it probably isn�t What kills me the most is the set up audience. They are so obviously fake it is pathetic. You do have to admire their ability to simultaneously ooh and ahhh on cue though. I�m not sure if they actual pay them money or give them the bullshit they are selling for free. Let�s look at what is for sale. You have the handy dandy egg peeler. Have you seen this thing? It will pull the entire shell off of a hard boiled egg in seconds! This is after you help it out a little by cracking it on both ends. What moron needs help with this? We also have the Bullet. (Sorry, I don�t know how to make the registered symbol.) It is the fastest compact blender ever invented. Yeah, so compact that you can make one daiquiri at a time. One at a time? No one makes only one daiquiri at a time. You can also drink right from the container. Can�t you do this with a regular blender as well? As a matter of fact, towards the end of the party, this is expected. The one that I do for some reason like and really want is the �Set it and forget it� oven. I don�t know how well it would really work but something about it intrigues me. What is it? I don�t know. But I want one just the same. I could go on and on naming them. After all there were twenty-six of the bastards on my television this morning. Did I mention how much that pissed me off? But let�s talk about the prices. The crap is so cheap that if you order in the next four years you will get not one, not two, but five of them for the low, low special price of $19.99 plus $9.99 shipping and handling. Or it is ridiculously expensive. I saw this like five-in-one ladder that could be yours for six easy payments of $49.99. And that kids does not include shipping and handling. That will be revealed to you when you get your credit card bill. I must confess that I have purchased one thing from the television mart. It was that handy chef thing. You know. The new fangled spatula that closes shut and grips everything? They got me because it was a special where if you ordered it now you would get the pasta pot for free. Man, the pasta pot. That is a thing of pure genius right there. A colander built onto the lid of the pot. Life don�t get any easier than that folks. Well I ordered the handy chef but had to forgo the pasta pot as when I called I was informed that the pot would be shipped separately and I had to pay $9.99 shipping if I wanted it. I�m not sure about you guys, but where I come from that ain�t free! The handy chef arrived in about 6-8 weeks just like they said. What in the hell is that all about? Six to eight weeks to deliver something these days is completely unacceptable. For Christ sake. You can get a live fucking lobster in twenty four hours but an eight by ten envelope (this is what the handy chef arrived in) takes approximately fifty days. Anyways, it was a bonifide piece of shit. It does not work with a damn and now resides in my junk drawer. Lesson learned.
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Steppin' Back - Movin' On
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